What Works

   Side Effects

   Doesn’t Work

My Personal Journey with Xanax and Klonopin (and the withdrawal symptoms)

This has been a long and crazy road for me. I really don’t know where to begin – but I guess I can start at the beginning – where else? When I was a kid – everything was normal. I came from a great family who loved me and I was basically blessed with what I had. However, when I turned twelve, things started to happen. I developed an inferior complex and slowly I started fearing certain people.

It wasn’t until I was in high school that I started experiencing panic attacks. From there, I couldn’t speak in class – but if I did, my voice would shake and my face would turn red of embarassment. Bottom line, I was always mortified in high school.

Fast forward ten years later, I found a career in IT, but I was still was misrable whenver I had to speak in a meeting. I learned to do self-hypnosis and deep breathing, but it seemed like it didn’t help a lot. So I trudged through life a very scared, timid person until I met my future wife.

To have a successful marriage, I knew that I had to get my life straightened out. I went to a doctor who introduced me to Xanax. I started taking it and I thought I was on top of the world. I was able to speak to my boss without any problems (at least when I had Xanax pumping through my veins). I still had problems talking in meetings, but it was manageble – depending who was in the room. If I knew there was going to be senior management within the meeting – no problem – take more Xanax.

Eventually, this caught up with me. I would take higher doses since my body was getting used to the regular doses I was taking (grant it, the doctors were always giving me whatever doses I wanted) and I needed more. I then tried to cut back, knowing I was heading towards a downward spiral, and that’s when I collided with hell. I prayed to God for a solution.

I went to the doctor again and told him my problem. He then put me on klonopin which in my opinion, was less potent but seemed to stablize my situation. In my professional life, I received a new job in which my working schedule was not the normal nine to five type of job. I worked two days on – two days off, twelve hours a day. During the two days off, I would go off klonopin on purpose so that when I went back to work, my body would not be desentized to the Klonopin and would feel like I was taking the drug for the first time.

However, during the two days off, it was horrible. For some reason, on my first day off, things seemed normal unil mid-afternoon. Then my head felt compressed or detached. I felt totally disoriented. On my second day off, I developed headaches and didn’t want to get out of bed. I would stay in bed for about an hour after I woke up and pulled my self out. I then would be in a state of depression and didn’t want to talk to anyone.

One day, I remembered when my wife and I took a little trip to Gettysburg and I forgot my Klonopin. I panicked, but three hours into the trip, I didn’t want to drive back to get it, so I decided to tough it out. I dropped my wife off at a mall nearby where she could shop and I could tour the battlefield. I was terrified. There were large groups of people there. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I went ahead and parked the car, got out and started looking around. I remember running into someone and I couldn’t get the words out to talk to him! I was devistated.

When I picked my wife up, I was very weak. She started talking to me, asking me how things went. I replied back and noticed my voice was very weak. I thought I would be the only one that noticed it and maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, but she asked me if I was ok – I seemed so weak and my wife said my face was sickly white.

When we got to the hotel that night, we sat on the bed, and whenever I talked to her, I was very anxious and slurred or stuttered my words. When we both went to sleep, I closed my eyes and parts of my body were twitching, not bad, but enough to notice. Not sure if they were really twitching, but my mind was telling me that it was. Strange indeed.

Years after that, I managed to get along with Klonopin. When I was at work (still working the twelve hour days), I would be fine during the morning, but when it hit around noon, I noticed that I felt disconnected. In the morning, I would start out by taking 1.75 mg of Klonopin in the morning, then 1 mg every three hours. That still didn’t do the trick, I still had some symptoms, but managed to get through it.

I still have the same job, but have enough sense to take Klonopin every day (also on my days off). It helps me get through. However, I am still suffering some symptoms, because I am cutting back – but by the Grace of God, I am finding new ways of beating this thing. I was once taking 4 mg of Klonopin per taking, I am down to 1 mg. Even though I’m still a long ways off, I believe I am on my way of overcoming Klonopin.

Since I’m “managing Klonopin” – I wanted to put together this website to help other people out that are in the same boat that I am in. The left hand side of this web page, I put different things I have tried and has worked for me. On the right hand side, I put things that maybe I haven’t tried but read not to do – common sense type of things. I’m not going to say, whatever has worked for me will work for you – I’m just telling you to at least try it and see what happens. It may just work better for you.

I pray that we will beat these symptoms together. It may be a long road – but once we get there – victory will be sweet!